Love and Communication

                Every day that we are alive, is that moment when we first wake up. Following will be the choices of what to do with that day. Who will we see? What will we do? Will you call your family? Will you tell the people dear to you just how much they mean? You will no doubt go to your form of work. You will pass by multiple unknown people on the street or in the subway. Every single moment, every string of events, happening just the way that it did, will shape what you know to be your life. The kindness of a stranger. The chance meeting of a new friend or lover. You miss the bus only to catch a ride with a friend passing by. Or maybe you catch that bus, but it breaks down. It was an awful ordeal, but you learned something in the end. I've come to realize that the relationships we make with other people(wether momentary or long term), seem to shape our lives more than anything else. And what is most interesting is whether or not we are able to communicate our feelings with those people.

              On Monday, I was at a shoot for Women's Weekly. We had a great crew, and the photographer and I got on really well. (anyone who also loves Christopher Hitchens, who I'll mention later, is probably alright with me.) He was asking me about my travels and about my time in Sydney. He was asking me about friends and about guys. I told him about a few of the friends I've made in Sydney and how I felt lucky to have them. I told him how I had recently met a guy, but he is now gone on a long holiday. I can't remember his next question exactly, but it was something to the affect of, how was I doing with him being gone. I do remember my response. I said, since I've been living out of a suitcase for almost 2 years, I was used to meeting people and then having to move on. So dealing with the absence, was not easy, but what I was used to. I was used to making friends and then leaving; left to wonder if I'd ever see them again. How is it that one day you have a dear friend to get lost in conversations about life with, and then next you are on the other side of the world from each other. Immediately after I said to him that I was fine, because I was used to it. I realized it was a horribly sad statement. I found myself thinking about how much travel, and the people I meet along the way, have made a lasting impression. That I have learned so much from seeing new places, but I also deeply miss the people in those countries. I wonder if I've ever truly expressed to them how much they mean to me. How much I've learned from them. How grateful I am for their friendship if only we had it for a moment in time.

               I was deeply moved reading Ngahuia's blogpost about her grandfather. Most beautifully put was the following, “Its a very uncomfortable feeling. Knowing that you will never get to talk to that person again. I thought wow there are so many things I wanted to say to you. So many things I wanted to thank you for.” I had the stirring feeling that I've never truly expressed to my whole family how much I love them. How much they have been instrumental in getting me to where I am today.

               One of my favorite authors, Christopher Hitchens, has written a memoir “Hitch-22.” He was subsequently diagnosed with stage 4 Esophageal cancer. I finally sat down tonight and began reading his book. There is a new foreword in this addition. Christopher writes of the reason why he wrote this book. Also, how, upon finishing it learning he has cancer. He started writing the book when he turned 60 thinking it's better to be “too soon” than “too late.” And upon his 61 birthday, he learns there might not be a next. The opening chapter is titled “Yvonne” and it is about his mother. She committed suicide in Athens with her lover. And again I am confronted with a story of loss. Yet at the same time it is a story of sacrifice, love and gratitude; being thankful for a person, even if they are no longer with you.

                I've come to realize that we need to cherish the people around us more than anything else. If you love someone, express it. If you are thinking of staying in, don't. Go see your friend. If someone deserves a thank you, tell them so. So often it is hard for us to communicate what we are feeling inside. It is so hard to open up to people and feel vulnerable. The irony is, that these moments, are so incredibly valuable. The moments that we truly connect with another human being are the most important moments in our lives. And maybe the truth is, they shouldn't come easy. Most meaningful things do not.

T

xx